Welcome to part three in this series on creating positive change in your life. Before you begin reading this article, I recommend you review the first two parts –
Is It Really Possible To Create The Change You Want In Your Life?
What I Can Teach You About Getting What You Want
Next we’re going to continue to build on the concepts introduced in the previous article, which are -
- Confidence can be created through training, repeating processes so you build on your results
- Raise your self awareness so you can be master of your universe, rather than your perceptions mastering you
- You must continue to move forward regardless of how you feel or what conditions you face because it’s not always going to be a smooth ride
These ideas focus on you being the catalyst for change, so let’s take a deeper look at how much power you really have to create the kind of results you want in your life…
A Hard Lesson: You Can’t Control Everything
Potentially one of the most depressing moments in your life, especially as a young person, is coming to grips with your own limitations. I’m all for creating a strong base of self esteem so you feel like you can achieve anything, but it’s necessary to realize that you’re not going to be the best at everything and some things you won’t ever be able to do.
We’re all born with gifts, natural abilities, and strengths, but conversely, there are things we’re not good at and other elements that impact our lives, which are based on the “luck of the draw” that is the lottery of life. Your genetic make-up, where you are born, what era you are born into and all kinds of things can hinder your ability to create the change you want in your life.
Your environment has a huge impact on who you are, how you think and what you do. You can expand your universe by taking in new inputs, but you’re limited to what inputs are available (hence the phrase you don’t know what you don’t know). Although you live in an infinite universe, for most of us we can only function within a finite universe or, well, your head might explode, or at least you won’t be able to function within the framework of the society you call home, or the body you operate within.
Despite having your own unique set of circumstances based on your environment, physical make-up and ever expanding consciousness, there are universal principles that you can apply to help you create what you want in your life, regardless of your limitations. In the end, as is always the case, in comes down to the choices you make.
You’ve been given the power of freewill, which means in all circumstances you can make a choice. This is a wonderful gift, but dangerous in the “wrong” hands, so it pays to put some effort into ensuring you are making smart choices – that’s smart in relation to what you want of course, which is going to be different from person to person.
Let’s take a look at a basic framework of ideas you can use in order to help you make the right choices. Like the previous article in this series, I’ll draw upon other blog posts I’ve published as source content for the ideas. Please read the source articles too as they will enhance your understanding of each concept.
4. Make Smart Choices (Stop making it hard for yourself and don’t just follow the herd)
Source: How To Combine Your Brain And Willpower To Break The Pattern Of Average Results
When faced with a situation where you’re simply not good at something or there is a barrier that is completely out of your control stopping you from achieving something, it’s important that you see reality for what it is.
Of course we can choose to see things in a different way, to put our positive glasses on, or perhaps simply not think about or perceive something at all because it serves us better that way. However, fooling yourself to believe you can fly and consequently jumping off a building causing massive injury is not the kind of positive thinking or awareness change we are after here.
The article on using your brain and willpower to create change introduced a logical idea when faced with a world of inequality: You need to accept the conditions you operate within now and do the best with what you have been given.
This is actually more critical than you might think. It’s not just about accepting that you will never be tall if you are short, it’s important that you make choices that allow you to develop what you are naturally gifted at (in the height example, you do things that short people have an advantage doing).
There are people in this world who prefer to take on challenges that they are handicapped to perform in some way. That’s fine, and I’m not going to argue against this, but for the greater majority of people on this planet, making your life harder than it already is, is not a smart choice.
We’re looking for the path of least resistance, and the lowest hanging fruit.
Make choices that leverage skills, talents or abilities that you were born with or have developed over time to give yourself an advantage. It’s usually much more fun and gratifying to do this, you earn greater rewards because you put more into it and do it for longer, and on a global scale, generally you give more back to the world too.
Don’t fight what you can’t control and gravitate to areas where you can provide effortless value. When I say effortless, I don’t mean it won’t be work, but the process of work is enjoyable even when it’s frustrating, painful or exhausting. You’re developing aspects of yourself that were meant to be developed, rather than struggling to do something you’re not good at.
This makes complete sense right?
Yeah, sure it does, but for many people on this planet they consider it a pipe dream to do what they want, and here’s why…
- You don’t know what you’re good at or “meant to do” or how on earth it could help you make money, or if it even should
- You’ve made less than smart choices and find yourself in a situation where you feel trapped doing something you don’t like
- You live in a society where you don’t even have your basic needs met, so thinking about what you might be good at doing rarely even crosses your mind, making enough food to survive, or finding a place to sleep that is warm, are the only challenges you deal with on a day to day basis
The fact that the third point is even relevant is particularly sad, in terms of a reflection of who we are as a people. It’s safe to say that if you’re reading this you’re dealing with issues one and two and have risen to the point where your basic needs are met. Although at one stage I’d like to more thoroughly review some things we can do to help eliminate that third condition, that’s a topic for another article on another day.
So, assuming your basic needs are met, in most cases to create the positive change in your life, the big mistake you are making right now is bad choices, choices incongruent with what you want. Every day you wake up and repeat activities that reinforce what you don’t want, which are born from thinking in a way that doesn’t take you to where you want to go, or to who you want to be.
This is an easy mistake to make because most of society is doing exactly the same thing. In order to break out of this pattern you essentially have to be “weird”, which in context is not doing what the majority think is accepted behavior. The problem is that you are a herd animal and it’s uncomfortable enough just to even bring up the subject of making changes that most people will criticize you for, let alone to actually do it. This is why it’s critical you start to connect the dots and realize that –
- A) You’re going to have to be different to most “normal” people if you are to go after what you want
- B) The perceived normality is, however, just an illusion, brought about because everyone thinks in a certain way and thus acts in a certain way, which doesn’t make them happy, often causes other people as well as themselves to suffer and worse still, usually damages the planet too
If you can break the illusion simply by choosing not to partake in the accepted behaviors and thought processes, then you’re on the way to making a difference.
This is not a situation of black and white choices of course, so you’re going to have to make some decisions based on what you believe is right given what you want to change. I reiterate, you need to do the best with what you have been given, which is not usually doing what everyone else does or doesn’t do.
You’re going to face ridicule (all entrepreneurs and revolutionaries know what this is like), but the fact is, if you just keep doing what everyone does, you’re going to get the same results. Break the pattern, stand out from the crowd, start making smart choices and people will look at you funny at first, but once they see how big an impact it has on your life, they’re going to start looking at you as if you are some kind of genius. You may even become a leader – now that’s a scary thought isn’t it!
What’s particularly powerful about this shift in awareness and behaviors, is that at first sure, you’re doing it for your own self good, but it can go much further. It’s when one individual starts making smart choices – let’s call them “enlightened choices” – that the run-off effect is an impact on people around you, who may as a result of observing you, start to make similarly “unusual” choices. Like a good pyramid scheme, if enough people do this, then the world can change for the better, as these two fellows certainly understand –
Daisaku Ikeda (Japanese peace activist) said – “A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind.”
Gandhi said – “Be the change you wish to see in the world”
Although you may be looking to create positive change to aspects in your life, making smart choices can have a ripple effect that can change the behaviors of the entire human race. The great thing about this is all you need to worry about is making what you perceive as the right choices given what you want to change. It’s not always easy, but becoming aware of your power to make the choice and not simply go with the status quo, is a huge first step.
If you’ve managed to raise your self awareness to the point where you understand you are master of your own interpretation, you’re focusing on changing the internal dialogue with yourself for the better, you’re seeing the world in a much more positive light, you’re committed to working on something long enough to get a result and you realize that it’s not always going to feel 100% perfect along the way, all that’s left is to figure out what the right choices are, and then make them.
Let’s take the next step and look at how we can determine what the right choices are…
5. Follow Success Patterns (Don’t reinvent the wheel)
Source: How To Find The Courage To Change By Raising Your Awareness
Much of this source article focuses on raising your awareness to the point where you realize what you want, a recurring theme in this series on positive change too. There’s a very relevant point to extract from towards the end of the article, which can fill in one of the final missing ingredients to create the change you want in your life.
It never fails to amaze me how many people don’t figure out this very simple idea. I’ve had people come up to me and ask for my advice on how to do something and in so many situations, even if I know absolutely nothing about who they are, what they are good at, or even the area they are focused on, this advice still applies.
If you don’t know what the smart choices are to get what you want, or even just the next step, or you’re not even sure what on earth you are meant to do, that’s okay because you’re not alone on this planet. You don’t need to figure everything out for yourself.
All you need to do is find people who have done what you want to do, or who are living how you want to live, and then learn what you need to know from them.
This concept applies universally to all forms of change, there is always some form of help available. If you want to make money doing something, find someone who’s figured out how to do that. If you’re about to face a new challenge, like becoming a father or mother for the first time, there are other people who have been through this experience before you. If you want to start a revolution and eliminate a great injustice, or stop a global catastrophe, or just figure out how to change your fashion style so you will be more attractive to the opposite sex, aspects of how to do all these things is learnable because it has been done before.
Even if you are doing something completely new in a completely innovative industry, or you’re attempting to break new ground, there will be success principles that other people have used that will apply to what you are doing. You’re learning some now just by reading this article. All you have to do is get out there and find the right people or the right information to start filling in the blanks to figure out what your immediate next step is, what the smart choices are.
You might need a coach or mentor, or perhaps you can study a guru or just read a good book. Maybe a structured course, or even a full degree is the answer. Maybe just a conversation over a cup of tea will give you want you need, or perhaps taking a hands-on training program is what you require.
In most circumstances, to learn what you need to know is a holistic process. To determine what steps you need to take and to undertake the necessary personal growth you require to get where you want to go, it is necessary to collect input from all kinds of sources, some that you proactively seek out, others that just show up at the right time (more on this later in the series).
In my own experience to create the change I desire in my life I usually go with a combination of experimentation (mandatory for most change to occur), with passive observation of people who have what I want, combined with active study of materials from experts and when possible, some personal time spent with people, some who just came about at the right time and taught me something they may not have even realized they were teaching, and others who I sought out to solve a particular problem.
As Mulder constantly reminded us in the X-Files, the truth is out there, you just need to go looking for whatever truths will help you to create the change you want.
What If You Don’t Know What You Want?
As one final piece of advice before I end this part of the series, if you’re not even sure what you want, consider things you might like to have, or what about you or your immediate environment that you want to change, and then start looking for alternative choices you could make today to take you towards that reality.
You have to understand that making smart choices is not an absolute endeavor. You will never know the “right” decision beyond what is best for what you want to be in a given moment. This means that what is right for you will change constantly, it’s part of the growth process that is the evolution of your consciousness. In order to help you get closer to figuring out your truth, you will need to sample and experiment.
Follow success patterns based what you think and feel might work for you, or focus on making changes that eliminate what you don’t like about your life right now. Sometimes a process of elimination will lead you to what you want, but that doesn’t mean all the principles you have learned up to this point are not relevant. They apply equally the same.
You will always have the power of choice and it’s up to you to figure out what you want, no one else can decide this for you. That’s why raising your awareness as a basic concept is so important, it will give you the insight to know that change needs to be made in the first place, triggering the cascade of decisions that will lead you to greater clarification of what you really want.
Coming Up Next: Where Does Change Really Originate From?
The puzzle is looking a lot more complete. You now have some strong foundation concepts that can help you to realize the change you want, namely -
- Confidence comes from training
- Become self aware so you can use your perception as a positive force in your life
- Work consistently regardless of external conditions and their effect on your feelings
- Make smart choices based on your own strengths and what you want, not what everyone else does
- Follow the success patterns that are all around you, ready to be learned whenever you need guidance
Most of these ideas reflect on you as the center of your own universe, which is certainly true, but we’ve left out a key point – everything is connected.
I touched on this idea when I talked about how you changing yourself can result in changing others around you, but it goes much further than this.
Everything you do influences other people, just as what other people do influences you. There is a mass interconnected web that you must learn how to operate within if you want it to help, rather than hinder you from experiencing the positive changes you desire.
Once you are aware of what I will cover in the next article you may even begin to question where change comes from or what you even are. We are heading into uncharted waters, so stay tuned, there’s more to come yet!
Part 4 is now available: Don’t Let Your Ignorance Stop You
Yaro Starak
Change Agent
Hey Yaro,
I agree that there are many factors that act as barrier in our ways to make a change in ourselves and our ambiance , but at this time we must keep in mind the change that we wish to see, because this is the sole thing that will keep us going on.
This was a nice series. Learned a lot from it. Thanks for it pal.
Follow the successful path rather than making your own
Kudos to you, Yaro, and many thanks.
I have been an integrative health care practitioner for 35 years, engaging people to regain/maintain their health and well-being by optimizing their ability to self-heal (plus whatever medical care they choose to receive). People often miss opportunities to do small things a little differently, or give up when their results are not immediate and obvious.
Transformation doesn’t come easily. The most radical acts we can make in this culture are acts of self-care, and a critical aspect of self-care is pursuing our heartfelt desires and offering our talents to the world. What could be healthier than offering our gifts to others and creating a vehicle to support us and our clients simultaneously?
You have articulated what it takes to make lasting change in the most down-to-earth, matter-of-fact (yeah, some days will be tough) manner I’ve ever seen. I will be sharing this, for sure.
Your Message Such a relief! Common sense is not dead, after all.
You know, Yaro, I think most people don’t really believe they have a choice so they do nothing rather than choosing what might be the “wrong thing.”
They don’t understand that doing nothing is a choice.
First of all, another Brilliant Article Yaro, and yes like you mentioned in your article there are some things in our lives that we just have to face reality that we cannot change, but in my opinion those who are able to change the things that are in their control, they can reach their full potential, and raise their limits to the max, and will see the success they want to see in their lives.
Till then,
Jean
Great Article Yaro! I think you have analyse what has been ringing in my mind for so long.I agree with the point that we should make choice that leverage our skills and talent.I observed that we become outstanding in our areas of gifting without struggle.Naturally I believe if we are struggling where we are right now,it might be because we are in the wrong place or perhaps we are lacking knowlege in that area.For me I live in a society where the basic needs are scarcely available hence what we think here is survival .Please Yaro, I am waiting for your article on the third reason why people dont follow their dreams.Keep on the good job
Thank you once again for another post in this series Yaro!
I’m really thinking that this will help me get my head round what I need to do for a secure future in many ways.
Yaro,
I must hand it to you – you really do have a good grasp of the relationship between our thoughts, beliefs and actions. Very well done. Thanks for sharing.
Yaro you rock, I love this post. I will be changing period.
Thanks Yaro
Yaro for the most I totally agree with and live by the principles you are sharing in this post. There is however one concept that I would firmly disagree with that you talked about at the very beginning of the post and that is about accepting your limitations.
I am a living example of how that is so not true. When you think back to when you were a child, you believed anything was possible. That you could do and accomplish whatever you wanted. Of course as child you didn’t use that kind of language or though process, but it was there all the same.
As you pointed out, environment has a lot do with what we ‘believe’ our limitations are. And that in itself is the issue. If you believe you have limitations, then you will have them.
I was a fairly lost and confused individual as a youngster and through my environment, accepted what everyone around me was telling me. That I wouldn’t achieve anything. Ever!
Yet at the age of 29 I went back to uni, studied my ass off and learned. I was studying to be a network engineer. Not an easy feat. Particularly considering I dropped out of high school at year 9.
Yet, because I did not have a world of people telling me that I couldn’t do, or more importantly because I never for a moment thought or believed I could not achieve this, I not only passed, but I passed with high distinctions. In fact I was assisting teaching others mid way through the course, and was tutoring others as well.
I don’t believe that I have any special abilities when it comes to computer sciences. On the contrary I accepted that as an older student I would have to study much harder. So I did. I accepted that if I wanted to achieve this, then it would take a lot of work. So I did the work that was required.
Since that time I’ve come to the realisation that, ok maybe I can’t be an astronaut (only because I’m too old, too fat, and too opinionated) and I doubt that I’ll be an Olympic athlete but if I set my mind to it I can do whatever you or anyone else can do.
Why? Because if you can do it then so can I! It’s all about your own belief system and the moment you accept the idea that you have limitations, you’re doomed. Rather accept that you can overcome those limitations if you’re just prepared to work hard enough, and make the sacrifices in your life that will enable you to achieve what you intend to.
I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment Andrew, but I’d put what you are talking about more in the category of destroying limiting beliefs rather than not accepting your limitations (although it could all be semantics!).
I believe there is a balance to be had, and you’re right, most people shoot way too low, but I do think having pie in the sky goals can be more dangerous than good because it may result in constant failure destroying any self esteem you ever had.
The kind of limitations I was referring to are things that are impossible to change, or at least the process of change is so drastic or just plain silly (like a tall man cutting off his legs because he wants to be shorter) that’s it not reasonable to try and make it reality.
This applies differently if you actually intend to go after something vs. just believing you could if you wanted to. There’s a difference in believing you could be an olympic gold medalist at age 60 if you really wanted to versus the kind of belief where you actually try and do it. Optimism and realism need to be both present in healthy doses in my opinion or you are in for a world of disappointment if you define your happiness based on achieving what you set out to.
Your article is both insightful, well written and encompassing. Congratulations!
Thankyou for the post, I agree that sometimes my goals in life are more complicated than they need to be, making them sometimes seem impossible to reach.
Jenny,
You are NOT alone. I master the art of complicating my life and then getting frustrated. Then the voices in my head start to chatter and then that really drives me nuts and I start second guessing myself.
I’m now learning every day how to make this simple and reach milestones that will lead to more success.
Yaro, I don’t always read full posts, but this was a great way to start my day!
Krizia
Hi Yaro
I like this one. You talk about things that you don’t like or are not good at, and I automatically relate to doing my accounts. I hate the thought of it, but when I actually get myself into it, I don’t mind doing it and even quite enjoy it, especially when I get no interruptions. As they say it’s all mind over matter. Take care of the mind and rest doesn’t matter.
Decisions, good, bad or indifferent we all need to make them in life. We do have choices and that’s fantastic.
Thanks for sharing this post Yaro
Time and again I always lost focus on my goals each time I want to achieve something in life. It a weakness when we are in a comfort zone or just plain lazy to start. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to change for something better. I am taking too long to think of a domain name to start my website. It is fear that is stopping people to change.
I think that ,finally, the idea that we are all connected is grabbing people…the internet connects us like never before …and the info out there is nothing if it isnt shared….its good for business, blogging and most importantly the world…yes we are all connected…thanks Yaro…
Yaro, I think you’re truly brilliant the way you manage to articulate all that you do. These are quite complex concepts yet you seem to effortlessly lead your readers through it all so they can grasp it, I’m in awe.
You wrote:
“You don’t know what you’re good at or “meant to do” or how on earth it could help you make money, or if it even should”
It would be great to see you expand on this point more. I find that it’s easy to pin point things ‘you’re good at’ but often those things are not fueled by any real passion. I have stumbled across many people who cannot seem to recognise ‘what they’re meant to do.’ I know highly qualified editors, vets, accountants who are very ‘good at’ their vocations but there is no passion. I would be interested to hear your take on how people can get sight of their passion/’what they’re meant to do.”
Fantastic series Yaro, thank you.
Yaro, I follow you on Twitter and this post really touched me. I think that awareness is being alive, awake, being conscious, and having the ability to choose which thoughts we will toss aside and which ones we will listen to. It is the self recognizing that it has command over the mind.
This was a fantastic article. I am so glad I found this blog, it doesn’t surprise me though. It was just a natural progression in personal development aka entrepreneur personal development
Thank you very much Yaro…all you wrote in this blog…was so powerfull and brought all people who join this, the great idea..so we can follow the tips step by step to grow the business.
Thank you..i’ll always waiting another article from you….
Hello Yaro,
This has come at the right time for me, I started with Become a Blogger end Dec 2008 and moved in leaps and bounds – building, topic what topic, wrote about my life and then hit a brick wall.
The brick wall is still there, but thanks to the forum I have met a “local” business woman who is putting me on the path with perseverance and direction with her marketing background. Whenever I stray I get put back on track – with the comment “have you read..” we are both members of Blog Master Mind and Membership Site Mastermind, it is always something from one of the sites.
I have some “p’s” and “q’s” to get in order but these three write up’s, Dan’s comment moving from Zimbabwe and starting from scratch have given me the get up and go again.
Thanks for all those inspirational notes, it helps to know you are not alone, especially if you doubt yourself and your abilities. We all have something to offer, it is to find the passion and overcome the fears.
Cheers and thanks to one and all, this has been a great post.
This was a very helpful blog article. Good that i found, I always have an issue maintaing a balance (work/life) and for me little things grow bigger as i keep them undone day by day, and over a month it looks like a mountain…hard to sortout then..
Your words really hit home with me. I often times wonder exactly what I am doing is really satisfying. I want to find a balance between enjoying what I am doing, but still being able to provide for my family and others. It is hard to choose the first when the second is so dependent on you. I am hoping this year to find something that I enjoy doing that will make us all happy.
First and foremost learning about yourself is key. Too many people chase what they think is their dream only to find out is was about chasing the money. That makes for a very long and expensive lesson in life. You must undertake a process to determine what it is you really enjoy doing and find a way to make money doing that…no matter how ridiculous it may sound. In this day and age of the internet, anything is possible.
in my opinion at first you should be aware of your weak and strong sides. @work with David Lee: unfortunately the whole World is about the money. It is always about the money. However, passion is the drive that makes your job or whatever you do much easier.
well said Yaro
more and more interesting..
Deny
This was my biggest hurdle, Breaking the patterns of laziness that I have had in the past causing me to slack on projects and do things at the last minute, expanding the amount of time wasted on a projetct.
This is my second time reading this article; glad I did, too.
“Everything you do influences other people, just as what other people do influences you” This is so true, in every aspect of life. Just take a look around at how you interact with others and the reactions you get..
It’s true that real change starts from within – become the change you want to see in the world
This is the first time I have read these articles and they are very timely in my life. I am working every day (and very grateful for the job) but am working and doing things everyday that are reinforcing what I don’t want to be doing. In other words I have a dream and am working towards that dream but it is tough every day to not lose interest or momentum. As much as I want my life to change in big ways, it does take alot of time. Recently I went out on a limb and did a BIG babystep. I usually do small baby steps but felt confident that I could pull this off and it would gain me alot of sales. WRONG! I lost a ton of money and did not gain ANY sales but I learned alot. Now that being said does not make me feel great but I have learned how far my money will go and that I cannot take a big loss like that again anytime soon. I learned virutally 7 things to change and am back at the drawing board re-tooling for my next smaller opportunity. I think the biggest thing for me is to always think – it takes time.
I look at successful people and always want it now and figure if they can do it so can I – they are not any smarter than I am – maybe they know the right people or just got lucky (wink wink) It happens every day. But success is not created over night. And that is why I have to try and do just one thing (at a minimum) every day to move forward with my dreams. Fortunately if you have a good support systems of even ONE person (my sister) it can make all the difference in the world. After my big loss I wanted to quit but then I talked to her and she said “so what you can go back to something you don’t like?” Point well taken. I am in it for the long haul and it is what it is. I talk to alot of people, try to make the best choices I can with the info I have at the time and always move foreward. It is like training my young horse, many times he responds not as I would like him to but as my trainer says, as long as he is moving forward you are good. And so am I. Hopefully someday I will be able to say I am where I want to be and get this – it is not all monetary. Just the freedom to do what I really want to do in life and believe I that is what I was put on this earth for.
I’m now in the stage where I have a relatively good idea of what I’m good at. I admit though that I’m still trying to improve my own perceptions of myself.
Thinking about success patterns, which I need to find as I move along in this path, I think it is important to consciously take the ideas we got from other people and mold these ideas into ones that we can apply in our own lives. For me, it takes a lot of hours of thinking deeply about these ideas, but I find comfort in the thought that it’s not impossible to succeed in it.
Yeah I vibe with this: “Confidence can be created through training, repeating processes”.
That’s how it works!
Breaking the mould ain’t easy, and people tend to look down on you for being unconventional. Not giving up is key, and successfully doing that is the only way to show others that your way isn’t so wrong, after all! The boundaries and limitations society and our conditioning impose on ourselves are great hurdles to overcome (once can actually “see” them!)
Wow, I am liking these series! I have lot to catch up on your site, lot of good reads!
one thing is for sure, we can not control anything, even our family, sometimes it is toughest lesson to learn though.
I agree in perseverance. Not giving up is key! good post as usual, Yaro
I’m astounded that at 26, you’d figured out all this!!
I mean, I’m getting on for 55 and still kind of peering around
in a bleary-eyed way…
Makes terrific sense, all of it.
This is brilliant. So inspirational, thanks for the post, Yaro!